Dear friends,
November is both National Family Caregivers Month and National Hospice and Palliative Care Month. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to talk about something that many families tiptoe around until it’s too late. What happens when health takes a turn, and how do we honor someone’s wishes at the end of their life?
If you’re caring for someone now, end-of-life conversations are a gift, not a burden. Life doesn’t wait for us to get ready. Planning now protects your loved one’s wishes and lifts a heavy emotional weight off of you.
These decisions don’t just affect the patient. They shape the lives of the caregivers who are juggling appointments, medications, bills, and big emotions. But clear plans give caregivers and families a roadmap and a little more peace in a very difficult season.
I know, it’s not exactly Thanksgiving table conversation. But what I’ve learned over decades in medicine is that families who have these conversations early with everyone on the same page carry far less stress when life inevitably changes. And the person they love gets care that actually reflects what matters to them most.
End‑of‑life planning isn’t just about signing a will or deciding who gets the good china. It also means designating a power-of-attorney, keeping beneficiaries updated, and deciding what kind of care you’d want if seriously ill. These decisions help spare your loved ones from hours of legal guesswork, frantic phone calls and emotional turmoil in a moment of crisis, especially caregivers when their energy is already stretched to the limit.
Part of that planning also means understanding the types of care available when health challenges arise. Too often, I see families unsure of the difference between options that focus on comfort and those that work alongside treatment. Let’s clear up some confusion I hear all the time.
Palliative care and hospice are not the same thing. Hospice is typically chosen when someone is in the final months of life, where the focus shifts completely to comfort rather than cure. On the other hand, palliative care can begin much sooner. It’s about managing symptoms, pain, and stress from a serious illness, while still pursuing treatments or living with a long‑term condition. In other words, choosing palliative care means that you’re prioritizing quality of life, not giving up.
Both honor the person’s wishes front and center, as well as offer support through education, respite options, and guidance so that caregivers are not carrying the weight alone.
According to the latest data from the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, more than 1.7 million people received hospice services in the United States in 2022. Yet I’ve seen far too many families struggle through decisions they wish they’d made months, or even years, earlier.
If you’re caring for someone now, or you’ve recently lost someone and are untangling their affairs, I know how overwhelming it can be. My sister and I were caregivers for our mother. Even with our medical backgrounds, it was a lot. That’s why these conversations are a gift, not a burden. So what can you do now for yourself or someone you love?
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Review your will, trust, and beneficiaries. Life changes. Marriages, divorces, births, and deaths can leave outdated instructions in place. Updating them now prevents surprises and protects your wishes.
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Consider adding a trusted person to key accounts. That might mean making them a joint account holder or giving them durable power of attorney. It prevents scrambling during a crisis and helps caregivers avoid unnecessary red tape.
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Ask your doctor if palliative care might help. It’s not a last resort, but rather an added layer of support that improves comfort and quality of life during curative treatment or chronic illness. If you’re in emotional stress from a serious condition, it’s worth exploring.
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Know that hospice isn’t giving up, it’s shifting priorities. Hospice care focuses on peace, comfort, and dignity when treatments are no longer working or wanted. It often allows loved ones to spend their final months surrounded by the people they love.
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Talk to your family about what matters most. Would you want to be kept alive by machines? Would you prefer to be at home or in a facility? Who should speak on your behalf if you can’t? These aren’t easy conversations, but they spare your loved ones from agonizing over what you might have wanted. And once you’ve had the conversation, put it in writing with an advance directive so that your wishes are documented and legally clear.
And if you or your loved one come from a community that hasn’t always had equal access to care because of race, income, language, or location, you can and should still ask for hospice or palliative care. Say it out loud. Ask for a consultation. Advocate for yourself and your people. These services are not a privilege. They are your right.
It’s tempting to wait until “someday.” But life doesn’t wait for us to get ready. Planning now protects your wishes and lifts a heavy emotional weight off the people who love you.
And if you’re a caregiver reading this, know that these steps aren’t just paperwork. They are tools that make your role a little lighter, clearer, and more supported. That, my friends, is one of the most caring, compassionate things you can do.
With your health in mind,
